In other words, Wii Fit 2.0

Pixel this.

Wario is quite possibly one of Nintendo’s greatest creations. What has become Nintendo’s anti-character, this cousin of Mario is nothing like his happy-go-lucky counterparts but is rather a crude, selfish, money loving jerk who’s willing to do just about anything to increase his pocketbook. From his sinister, unnecessarily evil attitude to his silly, crude, and quirky style, Wario has become a Nintendo phenomenon to some (me being included). In almost every game he’s appeared, it’s almost compulsory for me to choose him as my player. From Mario Kart and other Mario sports and party titles to Super Smash Bros: Brawl, Wario begs to be played with his demeaning personality and lack of sportsmanship.

Say it ain’t so, Nintendo…

Respect the puffball.

All right, tubby. If you want to get in shape, you’ve got some work to do. You know you’re sick of that ballooning belly of yours. And you! Yeah, you—the toothpick. Don’t think I’m letting you off the hook, either. Everyone needs a good exercise regimen; it’s scientifically proven to help you live a considerably longer, happier, less stressful, and more competent life. But how many of us really stick it out and put in the requisite 30 minutes a day five or more days a week? Nintendo, fully recognizing the futility of exercise efforts of a massive portion of the population, has moved to capitalize on the situation with Wii Fit, the closest thing to a full-blown, digital personal trainer that we’ve seen to date.

Zelda fans, me included, are not an easy crowd to please. Always demanding nothing short of perfection, we complained about the infamous Wind Waker (2003, GameCube) fetch quest, its superfluous amount of sailing, and its measly six dungeons—and that’s not to mention the uproar some of us contributed to over the game’s cartoony art style.  Nintendo listened, and they gave us The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (2006, Wii) in return, sporting nine massive dungeons, zero sailing, a toned-down emphasis on collection and backtracking, and one of the darkest settings and storylines for any Zelda game to date.  Yet still we weren’t satisfied—we grumbled about its excessive similarity to Zelda: Ocarina of Time (1998, GameCube), widely considered to be among the greatest games ever created.

This is a difficult review to write. It’s a strange thing when you have been gaming for twenty-two years, nestled comfortably within your relatively static range of preconceptions of the quality and creativity of each new title, and then, suddenly, one game comes along and shatters even your most basic notions. It’s a bit intimidating to try and define a game that itself redefines the concept of a genre. Rarely does a high-profile title meet, and exceed, all expectations set by the astronomical hype that predates it. My friends, Super Mario Galaxy is that game.